Broken Sea Glass

2006-06-30T09:58:00.000-07:00

"No shadow to look back at, just a blank stare."

Well, I think I can now find some sort of will to write something. But no promises. Overcasts are the worst type of weather update I can ever get in Arizona. I can't stand them, honestly, they are always humid days and burns the flesh without you even noticing the crime going on. ARG, haha. More bad dreams, always have to have those terrifying dreams where your trying to drive home and then there are cops surounding the area, a murderer is in out myts. And, ofcourse, me being stubburn, I find my way driving through the cops, breakingmany laws, because I just want to go home and eat my food and watch a movie. And it just so happens that the killer is in my home. Blood is scortched everywhere, and then... well, I can't remember, but I think thats when he jumps out and kill me. Ha.
No news on Jeremiahs head, not sure whats going on with that, I think he just put it aside to deal with later. Isn't that just the smartest thing you have ever heard? Ireland is comming up, I am excited about that, yippy. I might be going out later to look for new shoes, but not sure yet. Have to go, dads cat is meowing for a lap to lay on. HAha

17 written out

2006-06-29T21:17:00.000-07:00

I am seventeen now, isn't that a miricle. Don't feel any different, the only thing that has changed is I write 17 instead of 16 on papers. I'm not in the most talkative mood at the moment, just wanted to change the updation from April to June, lol

deaming another future

2006-04-20T10:05:00.000-07:00

I had a dream lastnight that has kept me thinking all morning. I had a dream that it was the future, and we had another holocost type of thing going on. Only it wasn't about the jews, had nothing to do with religion. It was the law, you couldn't have children unless the government said you could. They killed all the children you had that was against the law. So me and a few other kids were trying to hide, running through the woods to get away from the police and their guns. Orders are if a child disobays the law then they are shot down, if they are an illegal child, they are either shot on sight or put in a camp where they work until they are put in a chamber of poisonous gas. While my friends and I were running we found a small two story cottage that was owned by an kindly old woman. We ran inside and asked for help, there had been a whole platoon of men in their uniforms and guns holstered around their shoulders. They were looking for us. Had been for days now. She took us through the house to a dresser, she was able to peel off the side wood placement and showed us a hidden room. One by one each of us crawled in that room, trying to be silent in case they came in without us knowing it. Had no way of knowing for sure how far behind they were from us, all we knew was they were close enough to have our heads on their wall. There was this musky smell that never left since this had all began some years back, so stuffy that it was hard to breath. As we crowtched on the floor of the hidden room, our breaths grew sharper, old resting dust rolled their way into the air with our emptying air. Then a sound arose I looked through the cracks in the floor, peering down I saw the commander bombarding in, his heavy boots shook the floor each time they landed flat on the floor. He questioned the woman as several other soldiers came in, shotguns still slung about their shoulders, and small, yest powerfull, pistols holstered at their sides on thick leather belts. They were Americans. Since the war had begun, the new ruling had set in, countries invaded other countries, mixing cultures and guns. These men were germans. Cigar smoke rose to our noses, it smelt ten times better then the old blood painted streets that were never cleans. the worst time was when it rained, the bloods smell would rise and reawaken, chocking fearful travelers to a point of nearly passing out. The men searched the house, and then they came to the room the hidden door was in. The commander had already flung his cigar away, now he was smelling the air, a hint of suspision. Then agrin curled at the end of his mouth, he could smell us. But he played cool, telling his ment we weren't in there. And as they started to leave he said facing the door, yet was directed toward me, "Haha, I finally found you." Then he stepped out of the room, and left in their cars, soem men walked. Confusion no doubt swept over our faces, it was obvious there was something we were missing. When the lady came back and said it was all clear, we rustled our of the hiding place, thanked her for her mercy, and ran out the door. There was a dozen old and beaten up tractors that were a hundred yard away from the house. As we ran up tp them we heard weird rawring sounds fromt he woods, it was a machine, no doubt the butcher collecting himeself some animals. Thats when hundres of sheep came running out of the dences woods and straight past us, then running back out of the clearing and back into the woods. We were able to grab of them, and set him on the tractor. He could be useful for the wool, and maybe lateron for food. This was desparate times, thoughts of harming animals for food didn't come to mind anymore, it was all just survival. We jumped on the tractor, all three of us. And Made our way through the hidden paths of a dense future.

What a dream huh?

Sleeping beauty needs a nap

2006-04-10T18:16:00.000-07:00

Yeah, I am a bit tired right now, have so many tests and quizes to study for this week so I got tired when thinking of all that studying. Today shot off with a lot of bumpage, and still has yet to steady itself. I friend of mines dog was put to sleep lastnight. Some sort of brain issues where something exploded inside of her so they had to put her down, really sad. I felt sorry for her until I found out what they do for every dogs passing. They cremate there dogs! Isn't that crazy? They also take the collars from their dogs and hang them up on the wall in her parents room. Is it just me or is that just weird? I almost laughed when I heard this, which brings me to the point of saying I have no sympathy after hearing that. I understand that its really sad when a pet of the family dies,but that just sounds rediculous to me. My friend even said she wont let go of the dead animal for a couple of weeks, that she wont beable to even go in her parents room to see the collar, which was weird all by itself. She gets attached to any animal, even if she sees a dead one on the street she says she gets really sad, might even cry at times. I used to be like that, when I was 10! Blar! Ok, so enough of the cremated dawg. Well, Jeremiah called me up today and said he got me an eisel! Which is awsome! He says he might even find me some oil paint so I can practise and what not. My dad got me a air brush gun and paint, even bought me a compresser so I don't have to keep on using air cans. Yark >_<
So maybe tomarrow I can find something to practise on, cardboard or somethin' like that. Trying to get back into my artistic state as you can tell. Well, I need to get back to studying and doing my homework, so peace out dawgs >_<

Drowning in the Foggy Mind

2006-04-03T21:12:00.000-07:00

What has happened here? Through thick clouds and high waters the surface will never be breached. Not like in the mind. To the cliff I say, dive down, rise up. The solution to a perfect ending in that of a troubled mind. The whispering of so many voices, if only they could hear them aswell. But no, they are ignorant. They don't listen because they don't want to believe. Save me not to work your name about the papers, not to be remembered as a hero of your people. But save me because your heart bids you to. To the south is the sun, and the north is the night, with your complications the earth has recided off its axle. Never again will life exist in here nor there. Just send the peace that was taken from us, give it back as one last farewell. For in the end, a good final breath is better then short struggle in resistance.

Shot down in midair

2006-03-30T21:23:00.000-08:00

Cocking the gun
aiming its barrel
its a new way to shun
hark thy harral

Four verses and it says enough to show how I am feeling right now. Seriously, things are not going well right now.

Moderate brain rot

2006-03-26T19:30:00.000-08:00

Well, for the past couple of days when I watch a movie I start getting into this mode of writing. And it lasts for five minutes after the movie before I hit the floor dead tired of thinking so hard. Yeh see, I really want to write a book, but I am having a hard time of what I could write about. I want somethin people would want to read, but unique from all the other novels. Well, my favorite author is Dean Koontz, and I have been hoping to be successful like him. His books, a majority of the ones I have read, are really awsome. So I started thinking that this whole planning a book out isn't working for me. So I started remembering some of the dreams I have had, both the scary and exciting ones. Only I don't know how to plan them out and get them all ready into writing out form. Thats when I saw this movie, Halflight, a confusing and perplexifying movie indeed. But the main charactor is a writer, and how she does it is she writes down what happens in each chapter on flashcards and puts them in a collum as she writes, so she can look at them for referance. Seems like a good idea. So I am thinking maybe I should try that, takes a while, but writers block takes longer, haha. I have been having some crazy dreams today, even had one during my nap today. Only I don't like that one, got me all depressed, and when I woke up I couldn't tell from reality and my dream. Wasn't sure if what I drempt was real or not. Kind of funny huh? But it also screws me up in this head off mine. I have been doing a lot of thinking, more then usual. Things comming up I have long forgot, thats the beauty of forgetting, its one less thing to take in. Well, I think my eyes have been opening a bit more then I am used to. Usually I am a stubborn hornet, taking in new information is not my preference, especially when I disagree with it. Well, I have feeling a bit smothered lately, like some is always breathing down my neck, watching everything I am doing, critisizing by the pound. But all this writing in my blog is making me pause and daze out for a few minutes to think of something else, thats usually how I end up getting in a writing mood. So maybe I will write something up real quick. New. I have noticed I always write when I am in a bummer mode. What a motivation huh? haha.

A soft pounding ran through his vains, his fingertips felt the beat of drastic measures. His hands shook for every breath cut short, sweat dripped from his brow with autumn colors. For every bloody boot that swept forward, two clean polished shoes stammered back. Amongst the battle field are two types of soldiers, a warrior and one a coward hiding behind the warriors. The Warrior looked at the weasle, the true skum of the wild. He spat at the cowards shined shoes, and grunted with disaproval.
And with a inward turn of his brow, and an ashamed smooth voice the warrior said, " And so the worlds of two lives come apart, but now one of them shall be pieced together while the other world drowns in its greed." With those words that spoke just above a whisper, the man threw himself forward with his sword in both hands ready to end the final unneeded second world.".......

To Be Continued :)

Casper Friendly

2006-03-15T19:56:00.000-08:00

Ok, so the name has no meaning, but it just came to me yeh know? I guess Jeremiah is scheduled with a sergant to have a meeting on the ninteenth of April, so that is pretty awsome. He purpously killed his Geo, so now he is without a car. If you can keep is choices in your prayers we will all be very grateful. I have been feeling really good lately, have had time to relax and do my thang as spring break comes to an end. the Northern Ireland trip doesn't look too promising but I have been raising the money through babysitting and spair cash I can throw together. I am really excited about it though, can't wait to actually go out there and do something volenteraly(sp). I was thinking tonight during youth about maybe joining their leadership team, I really want the youth to be excited about coming on Sundays and Wednesdays. They seem to bland and uninterested. I want to change that, drastically. Well, I need to get ready for bed, only nine and I feel a buzz of tiredness comin'. Oh, and Superman hasen't called, writen or anything! Just want everyone to know that so you can get him to call this lonesome sista' of his. I am stuck with step sisters everywhere, and I tell yeh what, I am not a fan of sisters. They don't like sports, games, out door activities. Its grusome. And last time I checked my soon to be eight year old stepsister has a cell phone. Gag me in all my organs because I am feeling the urge to chuck the electronic divice out the window. Yelp!
Ok, have to go, peace

Devil cat!

2006-03-12T07:40:00.000-08:00

Arg! so I have been trying to get back my cat cuddles from my dads sp they wont have to deal with her scratching anymore. So I payed twenty bucks for these softpaws things, they are like caps for the nails that last 4 to 6 weeks. Well, I have a few sets that will last four to six months. Well, I haden't seen her since the begining of December, so I knew she wouldn't be happy that I came back to take her and be rid of her claws. Well, i got the spupid things on her around fivish yesterday, and I brought her back to my place in gilbert, but she has to stay in my room. She hasen't stopped hissing at me since yesterday, and its driving me nuts. She has been hiding in my closet and just growling and hissing at me. Its driving me nuts. the only thing I am afraid of is her fangs, I wish I put those things on her fangs, just messing. The only reason why I wanted that cat back in because I have had her since my parents divorce, and I couldn't just let her go to any old family, or put in the pound. so over the course of two years I have found people that were so nice enough to take her in while I come in and feed her and what not. Now that heathin cat is so pissed at me that she wouldn't come out of the closet, not even to eat! So I finally grabbed her by the back of the neck while she tried to claw me with the claws she doesn't have anymore, and I kind of tossed her away from me so she wouldn't grab hold of me with her fangs and kick me with her still existant hind claws. Oh she is getting me so fired up, waking me up in the middle of the night just hissing at me. I am ready to throw her out in the rain. But I will wait and see how long it will take for her to allow me to pet her. EeK!

Up date

2006-03-09T15:33:00.000-08:00

The past couple of weeks have been really rough for me, bot physically and mentally. A lot of issues from years a go keep coming back. So Last Friday I told myself I was fed up with it, all of it. So when I went to bed, I just laid there with the lights off, staring off into nowhere, right through the cieling. I went on and on for about and hour and a half with questions and answers, trying to get one particular issue in my head to go a way. Well, I worked for the night, all that emotinal type of stuff made me exhausted. So when I crashed, it was like going ninty ont he free way and hitting a 10 ft deep brick wall. Automatic contact, out like a light. Just gone. Psh, then Saturday rolls around, I'm feeling good, then someone starts bring up things I didn't want to hear. And then how that person was feeling, solving the issue and everything. Well, the choices that person will choose will indeed impact me, just can't say that persons name so I have to feel ocward and call that person that person. How annoying. People have been bashing me in that wall over and over again this week, and its not easy just telling them to shut up and leave me be. No, they have to fight back and kill me to win.
Oh, and lastnight at youth, this dream interpriter dude came. People were telling his their dreams and he would give what seemed like the exact same answer to all of them. I was going to tell him one of my dreams, but they were all back when I was 8 and 13. And then there was one I had lastweek about being in a video game. Oh my gosh! It was awsome! The best game ever for the xbox, so sweet. Dealing with seemingly invincable robots, they shoot or hit us once and we're down, but it takes an army to get him. Oh man, it was sweet. I got to use a rocket launcher, .45 calliber pistal, two shotguns with slugs not buckshots, a few semiauto. Oh oh oh, and an urbin sniper, eighteen inch barrol cut down to 14 so we could swing them across our shouldiers without any complications. Ahh, the wonders of gun power and robots. Arg, but I don't think the guy would have had a spiritualanswer for my dream. But who knows, he was able to understand some odd ones.
A few times lastnight I doubted his abilities ofr some of the night. He reminded me of one of the guys on TBN, answers for everything, and pushing you to the floor is Gods impact. It was getting me angry though. I believe God gives us most dreams, but I don't believe every dream has a message. Just lke everything I say, not all of it has to make sense in order to be here. I don't know, thats just my opinion.
Have to take a nap, been a long week and thensome.

Fountainhill

2006-02-26T17:28:00.000-08:00

Ok, so Liz got me a job with her over the weekend working up in Fountainhill, thats the rich, snob country club goer Town. It was all old and retired folk basically, with their sweaters tied aroudn their shoulders, or really high on their waste. They have strollers for their poodles, and mostly single coloures outfits. Kackies are a big thing there, with tan belts and hawaiian shirts. Umbrellas here and there, and dogs tought to prance around with their heads up high. Everyone got along, but their were those complainers, grr them. I ran the drinks:lemonade, pink lemonade, soda; but some people would complain that their bottled drinks wern't cold enough, but they didn't even open them to taste it. Mine didn't feel cold either, but then I opened it up and drank it it sure was cold. Then come elderly woman, sweet looking with thei wide hats to shade their eyes, needed their bottles opened for them. Brittle bones I suppose. I had to touch raw chicken and beef, all I could think of was selimenela(sp?) was all over my pants and arms. For the last two hours this though kept running through my mind and I was trippin out. Well, both today and yesterday I ran an eight hour shift, one fifteen minute break. Today I got paid 80 dollars, five an hour I suppose, plus an extra ten because Liz got paid thirty more then me and I guess she felt bad so she gave me ten. Sure, I felt jipped and in pain from all my lifting and carrying of crates. I was getting annoyed and the boss lady got me in trouble several times with neighboring booths. I was in a taiwanese booth, three grillz to the left, two to the right, so I was pretty well heated up. I wish it was cold, because I had to keep whipeing my forehead with my wrist to keep the sweat out of my eyes. I have always said I would never work in a fast food restruant, now this fullfills my decision. Just two days and I am already sick of egg rolls, chicken on a stick, stir fry, and some sort of rice stuff. I am hurting all over and my butt had missed the comfurts of a chair all day. Well, now that I have updated I am going to complete my homework.

Warning: Post contains brain rot

2006-02-19T19:46:00.000-08:00

What have thee!? Lost in a pit of dispare, cornered in like a field rat. My predator infront, attacking is its key, and must I run? Raviged and manged? No, not I. A scalper can't cut thy without an eye flinchin'imself, and a tail hidein' between the cowards legs. Have I not the courage, nye, the worth of livin' as I thus do? Do we not all disapate in our own filth and wrong doins'? Take me now if I really deserve all this blundering. Rid me of this life if it really satisfies thee. Hath I not done what is needed? Ask and I do, no doubt about it. But this torture of a thousand years, give the sun a break I say. We have not done what you mount by, but chances are all a soul has these breaking days.

Ehh, some writing I had to get out of my system. Nothin' fancy, just ill founded and felt a little trapped is all.

Gangstaz in the hood dawg

2006-02-16T15:10:00.000-08:00

Been a while since I last updated, so here I am. I am supposed to being doing my homework but I am too lazy and not in the mood right now. Valentines day was just full of eating chocolate, atleast the ones with nuts because I don't like plane chocolate. Actually..... I don't like mostly any chocolate, and I'm not much of a candy person either, I might snack on some here and there of mostly I don't touch the sugary goods. Yesterday Melissa and I went to the movies and saw when a stranger calls, it was really stupid. There were like five junior high chicks screaming at the stupidist moments, which drove me up the wall, and a heavy set chick a seat over from me on the left that talked like there was no tomarrow.That was when my abusive thoughts started comming to mind. Mel was just trippin' out during the movie, its a pg13 movie so they didn't show any blood or guts, even the bodies had no blood or sign of abuse ANYWHERE, which seriously bummed me out. Well, Mel was grabbing my sleeve and arm constantly, I'm not going to lie to you, it hurt like a son daughter. Well, I had fun just because I went with her, I didn't take the movie seriously, it was far from scary, if I would have gone with family I would have been ticked off because you go with family to enjoy the MOVIE, you go with friends(not people you just met) to have FUN even if the movie wasn't all that good. I have my thoughts on movies, I am literally the shsher with friends and family friends, I am a real shushaholic. But I tell you what, I have yet to shush anyone more then my mom and SheShe, lol. They just talk about things I don't really care about(no offence) like the culture in the movie, what really "happened" in thier past that they didn't show in the movie. Lets just say that with my mom and sheesh, you get to know the people in the movies like they were in your life all along. Its too funny, even though I get so frustrated (I said it right mentally and spelt it right for yeh sheesh) Well, This post is making me wander from thoughts of actually writing it. Gargle, gurgle.
~Peace~

Cannibalizm 101

2006-02-02T19:47:00.000-08:00

The past couple of dats dear slim here has been doing pretty good. Trying to be more social, it really does put me in a better mood, but some people just make you feel like an idiot when you talk. Like for instance, today I after school I was hanging out with this girl names Vanessa, her mom gives me a ride home after school so I don't have to walk anymore. Well, I was hanging out with vanessa and her friends since her mom coems like twenty minutes late almost every. Maybe more like 15 minutes late.... anyway, a ride is a ride. Well, I was talking with some girl named Suzena and I really didn't pay much attention to the other guys name. well they had said something and I do my little wize crack and they looked at me like I had said soemthing so stupid it was torturious. Then I remembered who I was talking, a rich blonde girl that doesn't get the easiest jokes, and a guy I had only seen once before but didn't talk to. Well, I felt like an idiot with their stareing so I turned away from them and their silence and turned to some other people's conversation, I didn't know these other people either. Basically, I know like twelve people that are good friends at this school, and they all ride the bus. Then I met Vanessa, but when she notices I am left out of the conversation she will bring me in, and when I disapear to get a drink she is worried about where I am. She is sweet, hopefully I will get to know her better, she seems like a pretty cool person. I have been studying for a history test that was supposed to be today but my history teacher didn't have time to make it so we will have it tomarrow. I don't think I will do that poorly on it, just not all that well either. haha. Er.... yeah, I think I have been feeling like an idiot more and more lately, people are just not getting how I am. In art when I say soemthing people will look at me funny, laugh, and shake their heads saying "This is comming from Amy, what do you expect." I am getting so used to being called Amy that I don't hesitate when they say it. Even sometimes when I send emails I will sign as Sarah~GrandmaRose~Amy
I sign as all of those at once because I guess I am different personalities and each name fits it. A friend told me that and set each name to a personality I have. Veyr sway.
Ok, that reminds me that I have been delaying for a few days in sending a friend of mine a email.
So I should be going.
Laterz

Myspace

2006-01-31T19:58:00.000-08:00

You all have heard the chitchat about myspace, the "unsafe" site for all ages. I personally don't have a myspace, because so many people have one I don't want one. at school my friends bug me to get a myspace and I tell them its because so many people have it that I wont get one, I go against the crowd you all know. Going upstream, thats what I do. Well, A few friends of mine in church and everywhere else told me to atleast check out their myspace. So, today I did because I trust that they would be somewhat like me and go against the current. Which means, not posting anything they know they shouldn't be posting. So I glance about and find their myspaces, and thats when I was nearly blinded because my eyes opened so wide. I tell you what, there is some seriously sick issues in their head, and I plan on telling them. Ugh, never again folks. I know myspace is a bad terretory to cross, and there I dun and did it. I guess friends do have their multipersonality trades. Kind of creepy, and I am ready to poke some sence into them. I know we're not all perfect but come one, what their saying is practically asking for people to come in and chat like pervs, act like pervs. So I will close this entry and go to bed, I am planning on eating healthy and excersizing close to daily starting tomarrow, I allready have this brushing TWICE a day thing down and flossing once a day. So I gots it all. Should really run.
LAtERz

Early birds always almost never gets the worm.

2006-01-25T05:56:00.001-08:00

So, its around 7:18ish, got ready for school, now just waiting to leave around 7:40ish. I get at school like three minutes before the bell rings, which gives me time to get to the portables across campus, atleast half way there anyhow. Well, while I wait for my time to leave I figured I would talk and talk. Ramble on like an idiot, Arg, only my stomach is killing me. Testing my very paitents with hurling over reactions. Arg, for the past two days I have been sick as a dog but still have gone to school. Had many quizes, ok, only one a day. But I don't want to waist my precious lunch time taking quizes to make up for lost time. Lunch is ment for social hour and food. Even though I don't eat lunch... Yeah. Today is a half day, so I guess I get out around 11:30ish, at McClintock you don't even have lunch on half days, well we do, thank God. It takes away time from all my other classes, thats why I am so happy about it. Um... Things are going good, miht have a ride home from school now, this girl in my class, I guess we are friends, well she see's me walking home all the time. I guess she takes a lot of people home so her mom wont have a problem taking me home awell. Which is sweet, I thought about saying no thanks but this could mean making more friends. Thats kind of my new years resolution, making as many good friends as possable. So far I don't have any bad apples in my clan of people. Actually, I am the cleanest one out of all of them. I guess that makes me a little safer to be with because I keep everyone out of trouble. Even though one girl has parties all the time, and practically gets drunk every weekend.... I love her anyway. lol, not love, more like like her anyway. She is a good friend. Anyway, I shoudl go so I can blow my nose and learn how to breath before going outside.
~Peace~

Early birds always almost never gets the worm.

2006-01-25T05:56:00.000-08:00

Arf

2006-01-22T11:40:00.001-08:00

So this weekend I was at my dads, we went to Game Crazy and got him nfl05, and redeye. We played red eye for a while, kind of boreing, so we went and played the campaigne by taking turns playing. The buttons are really sensative, so I didn't really like the game, my dad kept complaining its too touchy with the controler. When we were at game crazy I wanted to pick up Prince of Persia but the guy at the counter said it was part three of some trilogy,t hat if we just jumped in one three thne we wont get the whole story line. So now I have to go find part one to find out whatever the hell he was talking about. I guess the first one is sands of time, so I will have to check it out. Me being me, I don't get into story lines very easily, I just liked to jump into the game and kill everyone. So I will attempt this whole "fallow the story line" thing he was talking about. Um... so.... yeah, I can' really think of anything to talk about. In around ten minutes I need to head to church because in thirteen or so minutes there is this ireland trip meeting that I HAVE to go to. Not to excited about that, but if I have to go then I will. I had to come back early from my dads to go to this meeting and after the meeting I am supposed to finish this stupid project. I am not in a "happy" mood, just complaining in my head about this whole issue about getting a dog. Well, I should go before I end up neglecting the fridge for too long.
~Laters~

Arf

2006-01-22T11:40:00.000-08:00

Better days

2006-01-19T05:40:00.000-08:00

For the past week I have been trying to atleast look in a better mood. At school I apperently look like I am pretty angry and want to beat someone up because of it, I had no idea thats what I looked like. I am not angry, I just am off into my own little world and every once in a while pop into this world and say hi. So this week I tried to change that by talking more and attepting that whole "Smile" thing. So far it is going well, no one has asked me whats wrong, so thats a plus side. I was called weird a few times by the same person, but she isn't all too normal either. On other news, I want to get back into running, but its so cold out I am afraid I am going to die befor I get through atleast one mile out of the five and then some mile circle that goes through the whole complex of neighborhoods. But I feel I need to get back into my running shape, so I think thats what I will do. Sound good? Thats right, Sarah is going to teach herself how to be a runner again before all my muscle leaves my body forever.
But there is some problems when I run, atleast sometimes there are. Yesterday on my long walk home again everything from me right knee and below killed me, arg the pain. It hurt like someone putting their hand through my leg and sqeezed my bones together. I had a steady pace going, but then I went gimp and slowed down, slower, slower, until I could have stopped walking and I would of thought I was still going. So I was gimping for a while, then I would try to talk with my normal walk, but then get pushed down to gimping. I even tried stretching the leg, messaged it best to my abilities and still I died from trying. I thought about cutting my leg off, but then I didn't want to be a one legged anchovi either, so I think I will keep my leg until further notice. Whatelse.... Oh, I did my assignment totally wrong, and going to have to change most of my presentation so not to put the class to sleep. On kid coudln't get past his first name, and on the second try he could remember how many brothers he had, and on his last try he was able to talk about his brothers and how they told him he was adopted. So he went to ask his dad to confirm this and his dad told him it was true, even though it wasn't. I felt so bad for him, he was going to lose all his points and embarress himself and I couldn't do anything because the teacher says there is no encouragment, help, or making people laugh once it starts. So, I know I wont be a total doof as the center of attention, which is my least favorite place to be unless I had too much mountain dew, then I will be the center of attention. Haha. When I get home from school I will probably write somemore of that story for you Luke, because you keep asking. lol, just haven't had the time or mood. So I will leave this entry to its bottomless abyss.
~Peace out~

Trouble with homework

2006-01-16T16:33:00.000-08:00

Watch Video:

FIRE COMING OUT OF A MONKEY'S HEAD (Gorillaz)

Video Code provided by VideoCodeZone.Com

Well, I got this assignment on Friday to write an autobiography about myself with three important things people should know about me. And I tell you what, that is the hardest thing for me to do.I have been doing it for like four hours now and I have not been able to think of any of the three important things about me. One is that I like to read and write, but whats so important and special about that? Its not going to catch anyones interest. I have to read it infront of the class, that is what makes me worry so much. I don't want to be one of the dorks up there that has a lousy and boreing life, someone with really nothing to say because their life is just full of blank pages. Arg, this is really angering me, I feel like going for a run but I need to get this finished because it is due tomarrow. I was thinking about writing about the fact I was a very bored child and liked to make up a lot of different imagenary friends and fantasy creatures, but then I know they would want to institutionalize me. I know they would want to because I would do the same thing to someone if I heard about that. I can't think of any trips I have been on that were all that, and nothing special has happened to me. This is horrible and is stressing the hell out of me. I hate this assignment, and what makes things worse is that I have to come up with a lie to tie into my life. There is so many other things on my mind that I have been puting this off all weekend to try and sort out other things. I can't tell stories about other peoples lives because this is supposed to be all about me. So not fare, I would rather be telling stories about other peoples lives. The torture of this assignment could really put me to rest, in the ground that is. I even asked my mom if there is anything intersting I could write about myself and all she could pull off were jokes that made me grr. Ok, I should end this and try and finish this stupid autobiography.
~Peace~

Do the Dew

2006-01-09T20:47:00.000-08:00

Today had a rocky start, classes were all boreing and a waste of time. Er... I haven't been in the best of moods, a lot of attitude on my part. A lot of fowl language as well, but I am controleing it. Well, I got a hold of an old friend of mine in Cali, from msn of course. I guess things are getting rough for him, a dear family member of his is in the middle of three surgeries and hasen't had word about his present condition.
Ehh, and I have noticed maybe around 5 people really... angry at me for the simple fact I haven't really taken my brothers condition seriously. I'm not one to really react to that stuff, and until the results come in (Mights be on Wednesday) I refuse to take anything to an emotion extreme. I notice people getting worked up and crying over this, and I have been getting plenty of evil eyes. But why should I cry? Why should I break down over something I don't have full knowledge about. I am not an emotional person, I want facts and thats how I will view the situation. I am going to get a lot of eye rolls because of it, and even more people saying to me "But Sarah! It's brain surgery! Thats serious."
Maybe my emotional stand point is at a.... slim decline. I am very good at keeping my feelings in, and I have no problem with that. Anyway, I just wanted to update this. Oh, and mom called my music video scary..... that could be true, but if you notice, thats the same one from the mountain dew commercial. I like that commercial.

Psh, go away

2006-01-04T20:12:00.000-08:00

Lost in translation

2006-01-03T18:09:00.000-08:00

Last week while I was in Kansas Chris recieved a call from our mom, I guess jeremiah had had some seriously bad migrains and she went to the doc with his to see what was up. They ran him through a cat scan and sent them on their way. Well, I guess the doc said they needed to come back because this was far more serious then they thought. I guess they knew he had something wrong with him other then a sinious infection. So they go there and the doctor tells J-boy, mom, and I think Goerge was there to, that there was this big mass in Jeremiahs brain. The doc said it could be cancer or even a tumor but they aren't full aware of what exactly. All they know is that it is not heredatary. So Jeremiah has to go back to some other place to get an MRI to see what really is in there, either way he has to have surgery to get it out.
I think thats all, well, thats what I know that is. Thought I should give a heads up to what was going on so everyone can do what they do. I wanted to continue with the story so I think I will do that while I am in the mood.
A aluminating hall light brought the here and me to glow as we stood by the front door. The old and famished woman stepped into the my home, slowly scanning her surroundings. Her steel blue eyes had stopped at a small and decrative clay jar that rested on the mantel piece above the stone fireplace. I offered to take her coat, what was left of a once fine looking coat was only holes and patches, but she jurked away. I should have known the woman would have done so, this small article of clothing had kept her alive this long, she wouldn't be so willing to lose her last warmth for the outdoors. Deciding not to push for the coat, I said, "I will make some warm soup for the two of us, make yourself comfurtable while I prepare it." I left the room with my guts, praying she would not turn from a hero into a thief so soon from entering my precious home. Into the kitchen this man went, pulling out the contents to make the soup, most of it was allready prepared and cooked so it would be easy to put together when in dire need of food. This is one of those dire moments. The floors did not creak with her movement, only the dragging of her feet was barely heard. Within a few minutes the food was done, and I poored it into the last bowls I had left clean and set the red oak table with silverware and two cups of different drinks on either side. Both bowls had a class of water and a glass of tea beside it. Walking slowly to where I had left the grandmother, I found her standing next to the fireplace, a frame in her hand while the other hand stroked slowly the contents within the picture. "The food is ready miss." A slight shiver went through the womans body as my words escaped me. Setting the picture down with such ease and precice angling, she looked up at me with her sarrowfilled eyes and fallowed me to the dineing area. Scooting the chair out for her to sit, the woman looked at me as if I had done something so law breaking that is was too insane to mutter into words. With that look she sat down uncomfurtably and stared down at the prepared food. The table was small, only three feet separated our dished on opposite sides of the table. When we were both seated I said a prayer that thanked God for our guest and prayed for her safe return where she had come from. I watched a childs hero picking up her spoon and delacetly scooping beef soup into her mouth. Her eyes relaxed and shut, colour returned to her face and satisfaction shown on her face. Puting down her spoon, still look at me with a suspicious eye, the womansaid, "In those pictures, that woman, is that your wife?" Looking down at my food I said uncomfurtably, "Yes, she is my wife." Without a moment to let mr take a breath she said, "And in that clay pot, is that an urn?" I haden't even scooped a first sip of my soap and I was losing my appitetite. "Yes, it is an urn." A look of questions was on her face, "In that urn, is that your wife?" I sighed but said nothing, there was nothing to say. The woman nodded, then brought her voice a little stronger, "What happened to her?" Pushing my chair a little away from the table and leaning back into the hard back of the chair I said looking at the wall behind her, "A homeless man shot her because she offered to feed him a meal. He said a woman that offered a man a meal, even a homeless man, is a discrase to life." There was silence betweem us, I knew she wanted to know when this happened to so I said with a calm voice, "A year ago today."

Aww, how sad

2006-01-02T20:43:00.000-08:00

Well, I am back in Arizona again, unfortiently. I was having fun in Kansas with my bro, but I guess good times don't always happen every day. I got to watch a lot of movies I have been wanting to see with Chris, which is freakin' awsome because he doesn't talk dureing movies. I am one of those people that want to hurt everyone that starts to talk durieng movies or ask questions about the movie when they can just watch it and the answer is right there is they would just shush. Well, Chris got me a IPod Nano, it friggin kicks butt. I have been spending all my time downloading songs into it, but I am having soem problems here and there, but I will get over it, haha. I wish I didn't have to leave Kansas, hanging with Chris was awsome and seeing people I met or ran into last time I visited was fun aswell. I got to play some Halo with addicts, I did ok, but having all shotgun or granade launchers was a little nuts. Took a few deaths for me to get the feel of one shot kills, haha. then... movies, ate, laughs. It's all and all awsome. Think I gained the ten pounds I just lost with all that yummy fast food. Haha, even though Sonic wasn't very fast. I kept on missing the last step when going down the steps at my bros. I could and should have broken myself but I caught myself each time but once. Ehh, oh the pain. And Shadow, the doggy meets dog. She is a crazy dog, turned me into scar face for like a day and a half, still a little red after being pawed by her. I am listening to Toby Mac right now, he is friggin' shway. Lets see here.... chris also got me the book I have been looking for, Forever Odd by Dean Koontz. Its about this guy that can see the dead and tries to help them by finding their killer who kidnapped a loved one. Its pretty sweet, Elvis visits him a lot. Haha, I love how dead famious people are in his story. Like in Lightening, Hitler was in that book, still a bad guy only hitler is trying to time travel to the future to see if he can change what happens and win the war. Crazy? I know huh. Well Luke, to finish that tale would be something I will have to do, but right now my writing is not at all what it should be in order to continue it. So maybe in an hour or so, or in a few days, it all depends.
Ok, so I am going to end this entry and finish downloading cds.
~Peace out~

Against the grain

2005-12-25T19:38:00.000-08:00

Wow, what a crazy past couple of days all yeh all, I am having a really fun time hanging out with people. Actually feel like I have a life here because people are talking to me and I am not even in school, haha. No, I am just messing, I have a plenty good life, social and alive, for a Sarah that is. HAving fun, went to church and met up with some people I met last time I went to kansas. Met Shadow, Chris's kick butt dog. Psh, the weather isn't half bad, people made it out to me that I was going to freeze, psh, PANZIES!!!! I go around with no coat most of the time and chill all the while. It's not like I am standing outside, ready to be frozen to pieces eh, sticking my prelicked finger in the air, ready in full for a good and chilly breeze to test. Haha, I am such a sarcastic mofo. Lol, allways wanted to use that term, doesn't seem like it fits me. Oh, and these eh's I have been saying, I need to stop because it is interupting my speech pattern, I have probably said it like 5 times today. So not cool. Well, I did have a dream amidst the dark and shadowless room they call Erics. But I do not remember it really. I remember I had my drivers licence for like three months or so, as I keep telling the story the amount of months change so don't nag and say I said blabla bla. Well, for that whole time period, however long it was, I never once put my vehicle in park. Isn't that crazy? Actually, come to think of it, I don't believe I actually shift gears or even messed with anything that wasn't the wheel and the gas. Nuts huh? I guess driving is just stuck in this mind of mind. haha. Well, I am in a writers mood, getting a good feel of the keys and the palms of my heating hands or rested so burdenlessly. You know what? I think burden in the word of the day, used several times by many. Hmm, ok, so let me see what comes out of these tired fingers of mine eh? Er... scratch the eh and we will be all good my homie gees, haha. In the last five minutes I tried to speak of happy things through my writing, but only death stared at my face. I would have to blame that one this little girl I met today names Jazmine, and her brother as well. Let me try again and see how that goes.
Standing at my post, a corner with a heavy coast everywhere but in the direction ment to be, my eyes grew tired with my constant wandering. After a few minutes of this and that, these and those, I was brought to a woman with tired eyes and old raggety clothes. A heart like mine should be in every soul, because through her eyes I saw a homeless grandma, lost from the life of being her grandchilds hero. My head coasted down, feeling a fool as I thought of helping a woman who seems to be at her last waking moments in sanity. But with a second guess of knowing what my life should show, I stood taller then the clouds, but didn't my pride go higher then the heavens. 'Come with me, I will give you good nights rest in my shoes,' I said to the woman as she looked sheepishly. 'Now why would you say such foolishness child? There is no room for rags in you mansion,' the woman had declined my offer, and I was so suprised I could have been knocked off my feet. But with my will, I had to have my thoughts be cleared with her in a warm home then a hole in the ground with scum. So with a smile on my face I looked straight into the grandmothers eyes and said, 'What kind of a person would I be and let you freeze yourself while I have a warm room for you at my place. Come, and if you still don't want to stay the night after a warm dinner and a look and feel of the guest bed, then you are more then welcome to leave. You are no prisoner at my home, but a welcome guest.' The womans jaw dropped slightly, but soon closed it realizing I ment only good for her. A small nod and no smile and she fallowed me against the coast of the breeze and the people. Finally reaching my home, I let her in with a warm breeze greeting her. All I could of asked for was the smile that grew on her weary face. All I could ask for was that little bit, nothing else mattered as a payment for me then just that poor and hopeless grandmother feeling like she finally was accepted.

Migrater

2005-12-23T19:05:00.000-08:00

I had just posted a very angery post, but found myself with such cruel and undisaplined thoughts. How harsh am I to say such things? What I feel and how I react to my feelings makes me who I am. I am not very much certain thats the kind of person I want to be. I am a cruel finger pointer, and I am not going to read that post to feel those feelings again, yet I refuse to delete it because then I would be hideing my true feelings that were there at the time. I had honestly written it with such spite and with a reason to be a hell raiser. I was honestly ready to punch a few holes in my teacher and be done with her, but what kind of a christian does that make me? I have been finding myself to grow farther away from church and God, and I realize thats not at all what I wanted in the begining. I had turned to God in my time of struggles with school, but when I need him most of all, at those moments and every moment I have turned away. A lost trader on many paths, but none of them lead to salvation. What is it to be a sinner? One to break the rules and do not what is right by God, but that by which is right to oneself at the time. Who am I to change the rules of life in my head and say that is the word of life, the word of my life. Things are changed, mind is full of this and that, these and those. What a danger I have brought to myself to be in this state. I sing the words, yet the meaning ran away from me, or I should say, It is there, but I am trying to set it free from me. To this, to that. A life of the past. I cannot go on liveing with all my hate and anger, I cannot go on liveing with all these burdens. I am a sparrow lookeing for food before winter. A late bird that tried to get all it needs to live before freezing in my home. Where is the warmth when I have traded my tree for a box, traded my life for a temporary substitude.
This that these those there is no comma for a life without meaning is like a runnon sentence forever going with no breath that one cannot read it all in one breath.

Dieing from a thousand foot fall

2005-12-23T12:49:00.000-08:00

Today was a horrible day, I don't remember being this angry in sooooo long. Started out ok, wasn't feeling good at all, but made it through my first two finals. Then I get to my history final, ehhhh I might have done well, might not of, can go either well really. Well, during the end of the class my english teacher was showing every student thei grade at their desk. My english and history class is a black, so I have them in the same class 5th period for english and 6th period for history. Well, its a finals day so I am running in my last final, and finish it. So My teacher goes and shows people their grades. When she gets to me she asked if I wanted to see my grade and I say yeah, all the while not feeling very good, could puke at anytime. So she lines her paper up with my name and gets a sower look on her face saying "Oh my," Shaking her head and giving me a look like I did horrible. So I see my grade and it's a 79.9%, and I am thinking, "Ehh, could have done better, but I can turn that into a B easily next semester." So basically, I didn't really care. But she starts naggin on me saying I should see her after class if I want her to round up my grade, so I am like whatever. I tried to tell her a story where this happened before only that teacher refused to round grades. But, Miss Mccauley kept cutting me off saying soemthing else. And I said it's not about that at all, my teacher thought I was going to say my other teacher rounded the grade. So Miss Mccauley said she doesn't want to hear that my other teacher did, and I told her its not it at all. So I tried to tell her again because it was a good story, but that woman wouldn't let me. She kept cutting me off saying, "Yeah... right... yuh huh... ok... whatever... yeah.." And she went on saying how I need to talk to her if I wanted to get my grade rounded to a B. So that basically pissed me off. The fact she wouldn't let me talk just got me so fired up I was ready scrap, I am serious. So I saw whatever in my head and went on with what I Was doing, which was just sitting there thinking. To let you know, she basically said I should beg to get my grade up, I am no begger, I refuse to beg to a teacher. Well, I was talking to my friend Christine an she told me she got a 79.6 and that Miss Maccauley told her not to worry about it, she would round it up. Oh, trust me, I was so set on fire. Ready to ring that stupid teachers neck. I watched the teacher laughing and jokeing with students, saying good job on their grades. I didn't really care about getting a C, its not like its the end of the world, atleast its not .1 percent to get a C if I had a D. I would beg to get that C, but just a B? Please, I am cool with that. Or I was untill my friend went and told me the teacher said not to worry about it, that she would round it for her. My my, I started huffing and doing small growls to try and control my temper. Never in my day have I ever been made such a fool out of. And never again. So the bell rings and she makes everyone sit down, thats the kind of teacher she is, even though it wasn't her class. And she calls my name really loud saying, "Sarah, your staying after to talk to me." I said "Yeah, I know." So everyone leaves, a few friends said good luck, which I appreciate because this teacher is a pain in the ass. So I stay after, standing and waiting to talk to her. She was talking to this poor girl names Molly, I guess Molly failed the class and she was bursting out in tears, mostly because when Mccauley thinks she is being sincere she is really just being plane cruel. So I wait 15 minutes, I knew my mom was mad by now because she doesn't like it when I am late. So I sat down waiting to talk to her, a pretty POed look on my face that she is wasting my time. So Molly goes off still crying, and Mccauley comes and sits by me AFTER helping a student that came after me. That rose my anger bar. I have a life too yeh know, I said to my self so snobbishly and sarcasticly. Well, the teacher comes and waits for me to talk. So I told her I am a good student, I work hard, stay out of trouble, respectful, and all that jazz. But I swear, Mccauley is giving me oen of her supposed to be sincere looks but really its a eyebrow lifting, "Yeah? So? What of it?" Type of looks.I am getting so frustrated with her that my eyes are turning red from the anger and my stomach still trying to give back what I ate. She takes me to look and see why my grades are what they are. I was so shocked. "ITS A STUPID C!!! ARE YOU SERIOUSLY TRYING TO PLAY ONE OF THOSE YOUR A SLACKER ON ME??????" I didn't say that, but thats what I was thinking. She goes through my "file" and looks at my papers, I have some very nice hand writing thank you very much. Well, I did a little bad on two tests, but made them up with the pop quizes. Then she turns to the stupid computer! I was setting myself on fire ready to burn my fuel. So, I got a D on this essay that we wrote. Know why? Because she gives me a few class periods to work on it and expect a prewrite, rough draft, final draft, and revising done all in that small amount of time! I love writing essays, but I need to do it at home, a better environment then a rushed one in class. And I told her that. So she turned to my other A papers. My eyes were ready to ball out in rageing tears, and my nose started to get runny with the held in anger. I wanted yo throw what christine said in her face, but I needed to control my anger, I needed to reobtain my stature. I had to calm down before I killed someone, or something. So I so right before I left she said she would bump my grade to a B, but said I have to do better this next semester. I say yeah, whatever. No thank you because it would be lieing. I wasn't thankful because she ruined my day. I took a shortcut throught the forever lasting two story building with its even longer halls. Get out side, put on my shades to hide my red and tired eyes. I was told I looked so tired all morning, I didn't want other people seeing it. So It takes me 10 minutes to get to my ride, my mom, she said when I came walking I had a serious attutude problem so she knew I was not happy. I get in the car, said I was sorry I was late and after a few minutes I exploded with...ugh, I exploded with anger eh. A lot of grrs and gruffs, ags and args came out of me. I was in a horrible mood, with a horrible mind.
But, Eric came out tonight and made it better, short and funny, a great combination for a brother from another mother.
haha
Ok, have to run.
~Peace~

Jagged rocks for stepping stones

2005-12-22T20:38:00.000-08:00

A wide river of black water ran through the valley, splitting it in half. Dark clouds and rageing beasts marked both sides as I stood on the line from this and that. On each side of the split valleys river were ragged and jagged stepping stones to either side. Both bare feet, and rags to wear, there is only room to make one trip. To the east scortching winds and whipping rain tears at the flesh, to the west the sky blazed with fire to burn the skin and water so active that it drowns. Eyes hazy, body beat, a week posture to go by. Truth be told, either direction there will be issues, others more harsh then any. But what way is really the ultimate sacrafice to pay to make the right choice?

Too smart

2005-12-21T16:43:00.000-08:00

Well, today I took my biology finals test, I was so scared to take it. I didn't really study, just glanced at the papers and went on with my life, haha. Well, I took it, was a 70 question test, had 70 minutes to tak eit. Took my only like 50 or 45 or so. But I know for a fact I passed it because it way too easy! I couldn't believe it! All the hard stuff from the year was taken off and all the kindergarden stuff was put in. Isn't that awsome?? Well, Today went good, my freshman friend is still calling me Amy, not sure if I mentioned she even started calling me that but she is. Apperently I look like an Amy and I didn't even know it. Too scary, haha.
Also I took my permit test, was the second to oldest one taking it, lol. A 50 somethin' year old mexican that couldn't speak english apperently took it three times and failed all three. I am guessing that is because he can't understand english, lol. But I passed, so thats good. Got 5 out of 23 wrong. Everyone had allways told me it was a twenty question test and if you got four or more wrong you failed. Well I passed it, so BLAR!! I was there over an hour and a half, tireing and I was getting cranky. Have been having a headache all day and wasn't in the mood to take the test. But I did and got it over with, don't like my pic though. My dad said I looked like I had dredlocks, so I wanted to kill him. Bad picture, but I know everyones turns out horrible, so I am not going to show it off to prove that, lol.
Ehh, ok, so I have been getting no sleep, except I slept as hard as a rock lastnight. I have been having some serious nightmares, the ones where people are trying to kill me with a needle full of poisen, another was a ghoste trying to choke me, and another where someone was comming after me with something, don't remember. That was all in one night, and after those three dreams, that very same night I had a dream where I had a disease called lupis. It's where your body starts attacking itself, not realizing it's on the same team as me, lol. Well, I had at the most two weeks to live, and at the least one week to live. It was sad and tireing. Then those other dreams I have been having with some evil figure trying to get me.
Ugh, I am really starting to hate dreaming. Well, have to go.
Peace out eh's.
~Sarah~
I forgot to add soemthing....
THREE MORE DAYS!!!!! I am soooooo excited it's crazy. I am getting freaked about the plane trip though, but I am praying about one thing. I hope I get the coolest, awsomest, and kindest neighbors on a plain ever! I don't want anymore old and snoreing people, or whiney kids asking quesiton after question, or someone thats going to throw up every where. I just want someone that is very social that will talk a majority of the plane ride. Know why? Because I can't read a book the entire time on the plane, and I will get lonely not talking to anyone. Or maybe I will get this cool kid that will keep me entertained enough so where it wont get annoying. Ehh, I just want a good solo plain trip, too much to ask? I think not. haha, wow, I just bit my lip and boy does it hurt. Ehhhhhhh, I was eating a banana and then everything went wrong. Ugh, nanners aren't in my favor at this time. Hey, isn't Eric supposed to have flown to AZ today? He told me but I haven't heard from him.
Well, I hope I will get a call, I'm sure he hasen't forgotten all about his sister from another world.
Shway.
Ok
~Peace~

Oh the grrs

2005-12-19T14:22:00.000-08:00

The past couple of days I have been pretty grr, a lot of people have ticked me off and I wanted to beat them all. I am a violent person really, there are just some things thta set me off, and when people lie to me... Ugh!!! GRR!! Well, Yeah, so I am trying really hard not to be grr.
Ok, so this weekend I was at my dads and we went to bestbuy to check out their games so we could get a new one. Well, on the way through the store we found this guy around my age playing the xbox 360. I was inlove, not with the guy, but with the graphics on the war game he was playing. Yeah, he was pretty cute, but thats besides the point, lol. I watched his play for a few minutes, he didn't seem to mind, I am sure there have been a lot of people drooling over the game system behind him before I came about. Well, I think all of my christmas shopping is done, just need to make some cookies for some people and buy one more gift, I just need to figure out what I should buy that person.
Know what I miss? Peanut brittle. The good kind, where it's cart and tastes like peanut brittle, NOT melting in my mouth. Ugh, I had a brand where it litteraly broke down into a powder in my mouth. Discusting. Made me so sick that I was sick. Haha, that makes sense. Who would of though it would make me so sick that I would get sick. Hehe, I'm so clever.
Err... Don't know what to say, oh. My joints are killing me. My Knees, wrists, and my left shin oddely enough. They are all having their ache and pain prenzy on me and it's a pain in the butt. This guy that sits next to my saw me rubbing my right wrist and he asked what I was doing. So I told him I will occasionally get a stabbing pain in my write. Then he laughed and called me an old lady with arthritis, haha, very funny. I laughed but thats only because he has a funny sarcastic way of saying things. What can I say, I laugh a lot, people tell me that too. They say "Sarah, either you look too depressed or you can't stop laughing. I think you need to lay off the pillz." They stole that from me because I say that all the time. Ok, have to go and attempt to find something I can eat.
~Peace out~

Matisyahu

2005-12-15T17:12:00.000-08:00

For the past couple of weeks I have been hearing about this band Matisyahu. 101.5 the Zone,my fave station, has been playing this song for a while. They keep on Sayin "Man, this guy loves God!!" They say it like it kicks butt, which rules because I didn't expect them to care. All I have heard was he was jewish and he loves God. lol, but after listening to it many times I started to really like it. I really didn't understand what he was saying thw majority of the time, so here are lyrics for those who are like me.

King Without A Crown
Chorus:
What's this feeling?
My love will rip a hole in the ceiling
Givin' myself to you from the essence of my being
Sing to my G-d all these songs of love and healing
Want Moshiach now so it's time we start revealing

You're all that I have and you're all that I need
Each and every day I pray to get to know you please
I want to be close to you, yes I'm so hungry
You're like water for my soul when it gets thirsty
Without you there's no me
You're the air that I breathe
Sometimes the world is dark and I just can't see
With these, demons surround all around to bring me down to negativity
But I believe, yes I believe, I said I believe
I'll stand on my own two feet
Won't be brought down on one knee
Fight with all of my might and get these demons to flee
Hashem's rays fire blaze burn bright and I believe
Out of darkness comes light, twilight unto the heights
Crown Heights burnin' up all through till midnight
Said, thank you to my G-d, now I finally got it right
And I'll fight with all of my heart, and all a' my soul, and all a' my might

Chorus

Bridge:
Me no want no sinsemilla.
That would only bring me down
Burn away my brain no way my brain is to compound
Torah food for my brain let it rain till I drown
Thunder!
Let the blessings come down

Strip away the layers and reveal your soul
Got to give yourself up and then you become whole
You're a slave to yourself and you don't even know
You want to live the fast life but your brain moves slow
If you're trying to stay high then you're bound to stay low
You want G-d but you can't deflate your ego
If you're already there then there's nowhere to go
If you're cup's already full then its bound to overflow
If you're drowning in the water's and you can't stay afloat
Ask Hashem for mercy and he'll throw you a rope
You're looking for help from G-d you say he couldn't be found
Looking up to the sky and searchin' beneath the ground
Like a King without his Crown
Yes, you keep fallin' down
You really want to live but can't get rid of your frown
Tried to reach unto the heights and wound bound down on the ground
Given up your pride and the you heard a sound
Out of night comes day and out of day comes light
Nullified to the One like sunlight in a ray,
Makin' room for his love and a fire gone blaze

Chorus

Reelin' him in
Where ya been
Where ya been
Where ya been for so long
It's hard to stay strong been livin' in galus (exile) for 2000 years strong
Where ya been for so long
Been livin in this exhile for too long

Ehh, what can I say, I'm a qouter.

2005-12-13T19:11:00.000-08:00

Here are a few of my fave qoutes, got to love em.
"Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, 'Where have I gone wrong?' Then a voice says to me, 'This is going to take more than one night.' " Charlie Brown.
"Now they show you how detergents take out bloodstains, a pretty violent image there. I think if you've got a T-shirt with a bloodstain all over it, maybe laundry isn't your biggest problem.Maybe you should get rid of the body before you do the wash."
Jerry Seinfeld
"My neighbour asked if he could use my lawnmower and I told him of course he could, so long as he didn't take it out of my garden."
Eric Morecambe.

Well, I figured I would start this post with some qoutes I find to true and questionable, haha. Well, how am I? Uhh... I am not sure. I am having a bit of an off day, writing the opposite of what I mean, and things aren't comming out as crisp and clear as they should. Even though... I don't make sense half of the time anyway. Atleast my brain is still slightly intacked..... slighlty... oh so very slightly!
Well, I have been doing a lot of thinking, giving myself a lot of alone time in my head. And I have concluded I am 80% moron, 5% brains, 5% bronz, and ten percent questionable. lol, yeah, true... true. Ok, I have to go. Homework and studying for finals for next week and this week if important if I want to stay away from getting any C's as a final grade. I have all B's and one A right now, I find that to be sad, but I am sure I will do a lil better next semester... I hope. IT's a matter of lazyness really. Ok, have to go, will post some more awsome qoutes when time allows.
~Peace Out~

Just too shway ...

2005-12-08T15:57:00.000-08:00

Ok, so today went allright, no biggy. Came home after a long and tireing walk (40 minutes of a walk) So I get home, and do as I usually do, let in the mutt and throw my crap on my bed. Then I came into the dineing room to check my email. Checked my blog, then my msn emailing shtuff. As soon as I closed the explorer window I realized I forgot to check my yahoo account. No on emails me on yahoo, so it's not like I remember or anything when it comes to check it. So I go on clicking, click click click, yahoo comes up. Two new messages, so I figured It was just another stupid yahoo update thing or pogo begging me to join their site again. So I clicky, ready to delety (Like that? I know, just came to me and I put the purdy Y's on em eh) Ok, so I am on my email page, look at the sender first, as allways. And then I got the suprise of my life! Chris, my dear brother Chris. My kick butt brother chris sent me, ME!!, information on the ticket he bought for me to fly to Kansas! I was like.... holy mother of... I allways stop after of. So it keeps it clean, it only goes bad if people turn it into a bad thing to say. Then, I did the impossable for myself, I sqeeled. I am home all by myself, so I can be all crazy like that. But, yeah, I was sqeeling excited and all. Crazyness!!!!! I jumped around a little, got tired so I took a break and layed down. Lol, my walk home allways tires me so my energy is shot. But yeah, I am flying in on the 24th, Christmas eve, and comming back to AZ on the 2nd of January. I am so excited! The whole plane trip scares the shiznets out of me. Never flown by myself before, but I need to start fighting these fears of mine. Like rideing the bus... or any kind of bus for that matter, public anyways. Ok, my fingers and eyes are shot so I need to get. But I am soooo stoked it's curzy eh! Curzey!!!!!
~Peace~

Too scary for my taste

2005-12-06T20:19:00.001-08:00

Yesterday was horrible! I woke up to my step dads alarm going off at 5, I usually get up at 6. So I try going back to bed but I can't because I kept on getting nightmare after nightmare about something in my room that was evil, demonic I should say. It was one of those your waking up in your own bed type of dream, everything is as it is in real life, everything where you left it, only someone is in there with you, standing by your bed, watching you, ready to grab you. But another fault of the dream is you can't move, you can't speak, you just.... CAN'T! I could move my head slightly side to side, but that only made things go worse.
Ok, so this is what started it, I had waken up to the alarm clock, but I could have swarn I saw a shadow (My room is freakin' pitch black, so how I was able to see a darker image is beyond my comprehension. I am awake while I am seeing this by the way) It was in the corner of my eye, but I could see him.... it fully. I could see the full image, looked like an outline of a big and broad shouldered man. Everytime I turned my head it was still there, so I was trippin' out. I turned on the lights, nothing there. So I turned them off, but when I went back to bed kept my lights on(I was freakin' trippin' eh's. So I figured I would do better with some comfurting lights, Not so. My last thought was me thinking about calling my Jeremiah that day to tell him of some events I will be doing this weekend and stuff, going to a birthday and doing some babysitting. Well, I fall asleep and in my dream I wake up and try going back to sleep when Jeremiah comes walking throught he door. He was acting funny, very funny. A weird, adnormal laugh kept comming from him. I was still laying down, talking to him a little, and I couldn't move, but I didn't tell him I couldn't. So he keeps going back in forth in my room and came up close to me, two feet or so. Laughing in that way. The laugh of a demon is how I put it. I was shaking while he was laughing, I kept closing my eyes remembering my mom had once told me that when I pray to God to stop the dream it will stop. So I did, and my brother was still there, so I prayed more and more, but it didn't work. Maybe because even when I believed it would work it never did. I pray now whenever I have a bad dream, but it never works. So next Jeremiah somehow was at the corner of my bed behind and to the side of me. I could hear him laughing, not his real laugh, but that continuous nitemaric laugh. I couldn't move, but shaking was all I could do. I tried turning my head but it only when a little bit, like a twitch to the side. I wanted to see my brother there, to make sure he wasn't really there. But then I saw a hand, a hand in the corner of my left eye. Was it real? I had to find out. so after more twitching and frightening moans I raised my arm up to touch the hand. It was real! I could feel the warmth, the stiffness, the hand! Oh my my my! Thats when I flipped. A deeper laugh now, and I was ready to die. The hand felt real, that ment to me it was real. The whole happening was real. How I woke up, I do not know. But I do know this, alll my nightmares contain something outside of this world. And it scares the hell out of me. But my whole day yesterday was so horrible. Teachers nagging on me for not having work in because I have been sick, friends nagging on me because of this and that and where which thing. Too much happened, and I was ready to throw some fists. My last fight was in seventh grade but it was a minor one, nothing big or anything like that. Out of.... protection, to make people respect me I guess was my reason, and because this kid made a fool out of me. I wanted to give him a bloody nose, but I knew his family, and I was in no mood to deal with them. But he stopped trying to talk to me after I talked to him a few times and the slight fight we got into. Things just go wrong all the time for me.
Ok, I have to end this, getting to wrong and my fingers are ice cold.
~Peace out~

Too scary for my taste

2005-12-06T20:19:00.000-08:00

Ah, the Beauty

2005-12-04T20:16:00.000-08:00

Ah, the beauty of a full tummy. Blar, I usually don't eat a lot, even on thanksgiving I stayed clear of eating enough to make me full, just enough to make me content. But, tonight I ate everything on my plate. Haven't done that in a while, I eat what I put on my plate, but when someone else puts food on my plate they stack it. So, I ate all of my din din. It was allright, a lil to spicy to be enjoyed (The chicken that is) But over all it wasn't all too bad.
Well, it's close to 9:30, and I felt like updating and typing. Either I am growing closer to being sane, or I am getting far from it. Usually I nitpick at every waking moment (Mentally of course, I am not a hard ass is reality) but today... actually I was in a horrible mood today. Today we had table church, where the youth had to go and sit with their parents at certain tables to discuss questions and whatnot. Well, this basically made me pretty ticked off. Actually, my head was going to explode, I am sure some people noticed it. Why, you ask? Gosh, I would rather keep that to myself. But really, I know I have some issues, and I need to get them straight. I kept imagining me storming out during the service, my thoughts really do go the extreme. I would give examples but it's not called for. So there yeh go, I actually admitted I have issue, blasphemy, I allways say I have issues. Maybe I just have more then enough to go around? Just maybe indeed. Well, today might be a long post. Sorry my font changes so often, I need slight changes to make this blog more off set.... like me, haha. Ok, so after church, me and my raging emotions sat at the computer listening and occasionally watching music videos. Blar, and everytime Kelly Clarkson's videos showed up and ruined the flow I had to get up and click skip on the video player. I'm nice huh? Eh, usually I listen to.. well.... the occasional christian group, but when I do Amy Grant and... some other chick that I don't really like will show up and ruin my flow. So, basically I listen to... Well, pillar went out of the question after the third group's song because horrible country kept showing up. Ugh, I really know what I like, and music is something I want to keep liking. So I listen to.... oh, I really like this one song by Thrice, it's about how parents in the future will not stand to have their children kidnapped. They go and revolt, taking down the athorities (government) that kidnapped their children. Very good song, I like to listen to it allmost everyday. And then there is this song my trapt... no point really, just a song to let out some built in anger. It's called Stand up, how he wont take anymore of people pushing him around and whatnot. Civilians revolting against the political world and money hogs. Ehh, I like the song anyway.
There is honestly no point to this post, Maybe the next one I will go into my... thoughts.... and conjure up another story. Haha, She-She calls my writing code, can't crack it. Funny, but really, in my thoughts it all makes sense, But everything I write is really what I saw in whatever chaotic moment there was. Like... actually... I like keeping this stuff to myself, a secret that I can get without people knowing what I am talking about. I feel a little selfish my doing so, but it's all apart of my minds plan. Don't ask, I am sure my mind has allready made a plan for whatever I am not saying, that doesn't even make sense to me. Well, I am in my writing mode, so this will be a long post.

Do you see it? Do you see the heart that stopped in the motionless being? There was once life; an alteration of breathing has occurred. Still movement, cold to the touch, time has sustained itself for this moment. This moment in time when everything stops, dead in it’s tracks, space that cannot be filled in, changed. Stand on your mantelpiece; sing me a song that cannot be touched. Sing me a song that cannot be changed. The voice, the sound of smooth air passing through the lifeless figure. Through the organs, thumpthump thumpthump, a continuous pattern through the lifeless being. You, your lifeless self is breathing a new hymn for the ages in a timeless era. Sleep to this voice, that’s all that can be held. First and last, forever in one piece. Thumpthump Thumpthump. Breath, new and old life, revisiting. Eyelids growing heavier and heavier from the grasping sound. Vision is half there, then gone to the spilling of shadow. Fear is not capable of being, for the internal movements halt it from the path. A living, breathing, singing, and holding statue. In one piece, no adjusting, just still life. Just being still is life in itself. Life in Itself.

Thats what I would call a bummer

2005-12-03T19:24:00.000-08:00

Well, at this moment I have slipped away into my state of.... unheroic feelings. Meaning, I am depressed yet again. Of what may you ask? Well, I do not know at this time, maybe later on my invisible shrink can let me know. But for now, I am stuck in this... sunken mood, looking for some happyness in the lights the tree holds, the memories it carries. Hopeing to find some laughs I had earlier, and maybe some waiting for tomarrow. But decorating the christmas tree this year brought me no jo after 5 seconds. I had my silly moment and made little wise cracks, but it all soon faded. Faded with the light the dineing room had once obtained. I found a new bruise on my right knee. I allways find these small bruises on my knee's, but I can't think of them ever occuring from events. I do have a sall bruise on the palm of my left hand, just below the pinky. But I recieved that one from lifting the computer desk, which is far beyond both mine and Georges strength. And man does it hurt. Oh, and earlier today I stubbed my left big toe on some tile that has slightly elevated from the floor. And I am going to tell you what I did when I found out it was bleeding from inside. Internal bleeding... temporary internal bleeding that is. Well, I don't like the thought of the whole "internal" bleeding, so I cut it open. Haha. You guys are probably like, "Sarah, you sick freak. I didn't want to know that!" Well, too late, you read it, and now know it. lol, but now my toe hurts. So lemme see here.... my hand, knee, toe, and feelings are all hurting, thats allways makes for a good day.
I saw the march of the penguins today. I will go all honest on this one, I thought it was kind of cute how the penguins met up and all, but after that..... ehh... a really boreing movie. I am not one to fall asleep dureing movies, so I stuck through. Psh, didn't really care at all for the movie, and will die if someone tries to make me watch it again. I allso saw the Manchurian Candidate again, second time seeing it but it has been a while. I don't like Mr. Washingtons charactor in the movie, takes away what strength he has. But over all I like it. I wanted to see it again because a book I am currently reading, False Memory, by Dean Koontz, has events based off of the this movie (Er... actually based off the book that the movie is based off of) Haven't finished the book, but it is interesting, dealing with a couple trying to run away from a profesor of theirs that put them under a mind conrol substance so they are able to be accessed for controling anywhere. some people nag on me for reading a book such as that, with the whole taking over of the mind, but I don't see a problem with it. Well, sure it's bad, but when the people are running and are trying to find a away to send the guy to prison for all the bad deeds he has commited with this power he has obtained, then I will read the book. So when people are fighting back, well yeah I will read it.
Ok, so talking has made me feel sooooo much better. I better go now eh's. I will explain more about the book in a later post, but right now my contacts are killing me and I must rid them from my eyes.
~Peace Out~

A good night

2005-12-02T22:11:00.000-08:00

I have been sick lately, of course, and so I stayed home today to try and get over this sickness once and for all. I had stayed home on Tuesday, and went to school on Wednesday because it was a half and I needed reviews for a test on Thursday. Turned out I had a big test on Wednesday, so it was a good idea to go to school. I went to school on Thursday for my test, but I must say, I am probably so behind in art it's not even funny. I am so afraid I am going to get too far behind, so now I have to work twice as hard. Right now we are working on self portraits, which isn't easy by any standards, so it's not like I can rush through with my awsome skills of rushing or anything. So, I slept in till one or 12:30 today, then ate some toaster stroodles fallowed by watching a majority of Cast Away. Afterward I took a shower, dried my hair and got ready for babysitting at church tonight. Last time I baby sat I wasn't in the best of moods, had a rough week. But tonight there were a few people I needed to see to make the night all so pleasant. I had a good time, baby sat from 6 to 9, so I am sure I made some more cash for my trip to ireland next summer. I am excited about going, but not about the plane ride. My stomach has been bugging the donkey out of me, and so any ride whatsoever has been a real burden. But tonight I felt as if I was well from the sickness and the motion turnings in me. Haha, very much so.
But lastnight.... er.... more like after I woke up and told my mom I wasn't going to school today, I had a dream I had powers. SO FREAKIN' AWSOME EH'S!!!!! I had night crawlers powers, the one off of exmen eh. He was my fave charactor in the cartoon and in the movies. But I must say, I liked Rogue's powers, but lastnight made night crawlers powers... I mean this morning.... it made is powers so cool. So there you have it, me and my powers. I am so ruleing the world of Blue people. Haha, ok, I don't want to be the queen of smurf town. Ehh!! I should go to bed even though I am wide awake. It's about 11:21, so I better get going even though I wouldn't mind rambling on. I could honestly do this for pages at a time.
Oh, and if Eric ever reads this post, I tried to get aim, but then I forgot my password, so I tried to make a new on but the computer started wiggin. Then I Tried to get into the messanger that I allready downloaded, but it said it didn't exist, then I tried again and it said it need to finish downloading. So I tried to finish the downloading, but then it just froze itself. I will try again tomarrow. But no promises eh.
Allrighty all.
~Peace out~

Whahaha

2005-12-01T18:28:00.000-08:00

Hmmmm...... Ok, so I figured I better update this thing since I am in a typing mood. I like to see how fast I can type, it's a self asteem issue with my key board. Haha. Yeah, it's true though, have to show the keyboard whose boss. Keep it in shape yeh knowz? Lemme see.... gurgle.... I am still ill founded, worse today then I have been the last two days, reasuring, no? Yeah, I basically figured I want to break a leg or an arm or something of the sort, K no? Crazy, but I want to see how I would react to it, plus I am feeling a little left out haveing had no broken or sprained bones. I feel too safe in my square (Popped the bubble and up came a square) So... yeah, that would be great. I get the feeling at school that people think I am crazy, mostly because they say "Sarah, your crazy." haha, I am getting that more and more lately, I am allso told I am weird, odd, strange, wacked, and questionable. But those are pretty much the nicest things I can ever hear, seemings how I really like to be different. Like, for instance, everyone at school has a myspace and are begging me to get one. But me being me, I refuse and continue my life free of that scurry site indeed. Oh, and I went shopping for pants and a jacket today. All the jeans at Khols were tattered and holy, I don't know about you guys, but I royaly despize such. I prefure my jeans to be in one piece thank you very much. So I spent a good thirty minutes looking for a pair I liked, I am very stubborn and wasn't feeling good to go to a different store. I did find one pair of jeans that weren't half bad, but still, what is wrong with these people! I sound like an old folkal eh's! Allso, I got a very nice jacket that is all warm and cozy, very classy looking eh's. Well, I did take a step away from the "in" crowd because they all wear their hoodies and I will be wearing my jacket with it's kick butt hoodie. I am talking about clothes now.... stop it Sarah, lil weird of you to do so. I know I know, I haven't been feeling good. Thats no excuse. Yes huh! Nope, geez. Your insane eh! Yeah, thats true. I feel hungry, maybe a lil cheese cake is in order. Yummmm cheese cake. Sounds good. Very good.
Ok, I am ditching the blog for the time being for the cheesycake.
~Peace~

Christmas

2005-11-29T13:13:00.000-08:00

I found this picture funny, was sent from a friend. It still makes me laugh, even though I feel bad for the kid, well I kind of feel bad anyways. Well, I stayed home sick today, did some chores that my mom wanted me to do, watched a Nights Tale, and tried to get soem sleep. Apperently I am suffering from a flu, I had to ask George exactly hwta are the syptems of a flu and thats me allright. Stuffy nose, major headache, a stomach that is rolling around in rocks, harsh needles by the thousands piercing the backs of my eyes, and my body is so sore. I think my body is the worst part about it, I hurts even to shift a little. Oh the pain! The agany!
Well, all is well for the time being. I am very upset that youth is being closed until January, apperently this is so so the youth can spend more time with their families for the holidays. Youth is the highlight of my week, now what am I supposed to do? Well, I have been playing the first halo (Been a while so I am a little rusty, but I must say I am freaking good, haha) Well, I can say, I am realy good compared to my dad, Jeremiah, George, and Georges family. Whahaha! Ok, so I am a gamer type of person. But what I really want to get is the new fallout. Or atleast one of the fallouts. I beat the first one a dozen times over and am anxious to see the new... er.... later ones. I will have to look in on that. A lot of my friends don't even know what fallout is! Can you believe that!? Oh the torture, allmost had a hard attack when they said they didn't know what I was talking about, almost did anyways.
My english teacher had been out for a couple of weeks, so yesterday when I went in the class during lunch (I have her right after lunch) well I went there with three of my friends so two of them could drop off their stuff. I personally like to keep my backpack with me wherever I am, so I didn't want to drop it off yesterday. Well, my friend Lyn was nagging me to put down my stuff and I would, she got me so frustrated I said "I am not going to put my crap down!" Thats when I got in trouble. You see, your not allowed to say crap or sucks in that class, not even if it is only lunch. So I spend my lunch, part of my biology class and twenty minutes at home writing up "I will not say crap in Miss Mccauleys class" a hundred times. Too me a total of probably 50 minutes to write it. So tomarrow I will have to turn it in. I find that very humerious indeed. Ok, my head is rolling and my fever feels like it went up ten degrees so I am going to go and try to catch some shut eye.
Peace.

Thanksgiving

2005-11-24T22:20:00.000-08:00

Well, I guess Thanksgiving was allright. There was a lot of laughs, but in the end it all just depressed me. I would rather not go into detail because that just wouldn't be fair on other peoples parts. Lets just say someone said something so idiotic that is sent someone else into a fiery frenzy. And in the end there were a lot of fake smiles. But over all, I am just in a very depressed mood and feel like going for a walk, but it is 11:30, so it's not like I can. There is this stupid system that seems like it can't be deprogrammed where everytime a door opens it says "Beep beep beep, back door, open" Or whatever door it is that opened anyway, and since everyone is asleep ::gags:: ok, so they aren't asleep, up and all. But I think I would get in a little trouble if I up and left. So... I am stuck in this mood until I fall asleep, and sleep might not come that easily, but I don't think I want it to come so easily. Rather stay up and be dead tired then go to sleep and await whatever tripped out dream that will come. Well, anything new? I think not, well, not really. A couple kids at my school, okay! Its just one kid, but he wants me to cut my hair so short. And I'm like, how bout I don't and say I didn't? I would feel so naked without my long hair. Which it has grown every long since I just it just above my shoulder three years ago. I love it. Oh shnaps, I am talking about my hair.... what kind of freak am I? This school really is taking control with it's prepy kids with their rich parents that gives them their cell phones and cars. They really are rich snobs, a mahority of them anyway. But there are a few kids I have met there that are pretty awsome. A month after knowing two girls and they envited me to go to the movies with them and spend the night at their house. I am getting less shy, just to let ya'all know. I am being more talkative and am attempting this whole "choice" thing I have when it comes to getting food. Usually I just copy what everyone else gets, but now I am trying to... expand my harizens, which is freaking sweet. Ok, time for me to hang out in my room and play my emo music. Haha, which is yellowcard. I don't even like them, they are too energetic and depressing. Thats why I call it my emo music, when I am not in the best of moods(which seems like an every day occurance now) I put in the cd and kick back against my bed. Just thinking. A lot of thinking now adays.
Ok, Peace dawgs.
Sarah

One minute, it can't kill you.

2005-11-22T19:03:00.000-08:00

Sitting down, watching people by the dozen get shot down, murdered. And in comes a walkin' a beast into it's cave, ready to slay down the first and last victom on it's trail. The girl didn't have a chance, chances were never given. On and on the beast went tearing at her skin, no mercy, no feelings. She couldn't help but want to wish it away, the quiet home was at peace before it came around. Day by day..... the scenery changes, there wasn't a chance... trying was lost with the sun and it's tears. Bullets flew over head, the spiraling could be heard through the box's by which it came.
Go away! Just go away! A burden to the heart, the body, the mind, to the soul!
It's all the same in the beasts cave, a slayer of souls, thats what it is. It's voices is it's only claws, it's only real weapon. The shadows came back, dark and taunting. Out the entrance! Across the many lands before you! Thats where she should go. But no, not going to happen. Too quiet is this girl, no complaints from this girl. Scrub scrub scrub! Thats what she has to do. Thats what she does! Clean clean clean! The music... there is music, away from the filthy water, and there is the music. A small black box type.... it's music, so.... annoying!
Hello?
Says she.... there is static... she listens.... there is a clear sound... she listens....
"Please take part in our one minute servay....." BEEP.
The voice is gone, pressed the magic key, and away with her voice! That awful womans voice!
On minute.... just one minute.... thats all it takes..... time.... only a minute.... one minute... that takes away..... no it doesn't, it says it's only a minute... Can't die from a minute. But you sure can be attacked in the minute.... clawed... front cave.... back of cave.... cornered.... It's just one minute, please take our.... It's just one minute, one minute...... minute.... one.... time stops.... one.... rather not... one.... minute... one.

Meh first Blogger..... bloggie..... bloggery..... blar!

2005-11-20T12:32:00.000-08:00

Mmmk... So I see people a blogging and all that shnaz, and I felt a lil left out, so here I be.... am.... are.... yeah, thats right. Ok, so for my first post.... posty.... poster... I am going to.... psh, like I am really full of energy to think at this moment. Didn't get much sleep lastnight, stayed up kind of late last night watching TV and whatnot, so all and all to say, I slept four hours. You think thats a lot huh peoplez out there eh? Well, I went to bed at four, so no, it's not a lot. So basically I was ready for a nap before I even got to church. Okays..... Me me me me me. I must think about me? Nah, I will think of something else... er... this is hard, I don't know how you all do it. I had this whole thing in my head, but I think it went on a vacation. He he.

Ok, so I will speak a lil' for ya'll. I have been.... iffy. Ready to jump out of a plane and go belly up just to have the thrill to only see the sky and have nothing to do with the ground. I have been thinking, and I know, Sarah shouldn't think, thats bad for her, on many occasions it got me introuble. Like at school, I was being a smartass and said some things to my moronic art teacher. I didn't get in trouble because she is too slow to react. Gosh! I don't like her, at all. She has her favoritism in the class, and it really pisses me off. When she walks by I imagine someone tripping her. Evil huh? Atleast I am not imagening somehow going up to her, slapping her, and saying "Can't you be the cool teacher just once!?" Well, now I can imagin it. Bad Sarah, haha, hehe, I think it for it is there for I amizidid. Yar! My words have a special touch, don't you think? I think so, they really are somethin'. Ok, so now I am going to go on im my mind, and type whatever is there.

So I stand here, in front of those people, their eyes questioning my very thoughts, forging my feelings to erupt in chaos. Chaos, the theory in life. Havic, the birth of Chaos. We do not know what we cannot see, we cannot see what we do not know, we do not know what is there because we are ignorant to the belief that it is there. Sense? Is it there? In these words that flow out of the keyboard? Whoever said you had to make sense to go far in life is an idiot to their own well being. I can walk a road, dark and lonely, shadows casting things that are invisible to the mortal eye. Yet they are there, I do see them, I do indeed. I see it there, infront of my, crouching, waiting, hiding, pondering, planning. ATTACK! Blind, thats what we are blind to the fact it's there. I turn suddenly to those bushes, those bushes that try to hide the beast that is not there, that can not be heared, seen or felt because it has no existance. This walk, what was supposed to calm me down, has brought my heart to an undieing beat of constant out of rhythem flow. Calm, calm. There, there. It's fine, allright, allright, no, no...... Poof! Running, sprinting, loss of all grace in my movement. I turn around to see my imagination get too carried away. Ground... rhythem, fumble, all good, but no touch down. Wait, no touch down. Touch.... down.... ground? there is no ground? Is it gone? No... can't be. I didn't! I did! A cliff. I went over the cliff. not fare, its not fare! I'm falling, falling in complete termoil. The air, once light and feathery upon my face has turned into thorns. Piercing my skin. Burning at my flesh. not at all, not at all. Can't. There is no control. I am at a loss, I am falling and I can't bring myself to grab hold of the thorned air! The thorns, they turn into dust, into feather, in my hand. Falling, falling, Termoil. Abyss. I cannot breath, for I do not exist. I cannot feel the impact on the ground, for I cannot feel. I cannot cry, for there are not feelings to have been felt.

Away

Away with me.

I am the ground, the earth, the sea, the air! Breath me in, for you have a whole life time to fully take me in. I am complex, too much for one to take in all at once. Slow down, slowly take me in. There is no rush. I am a story that needs to be told, but not so soon. It can wait. Just..... inhale.... exhail, take in only a little, understand me, don't rush the thought.

Don't rush the thoughts...

BAM! How was that? I'm good, lol. I know it. I give myself too much credit huh? Ok, I am done with this FIRST, I remind you, post.

~peace out~

Sarah