Broken Sea Glass

Sunday, December 04, 2005

Ah, the Beauty

Ah, the beauty of a full tummy. Blar, I usually don't eat a lot, even on thanksgiving I stayed clear of eating enough to make me full, just enough to make me content. But, tonight I ate everything on my plate. Haven't done that in a while, I eat what I put on my plate, but when someone else puts food on my plate they stack it. So, I ate all of my din din. It was allright, a lil to spicy to be enjoyed (The chicken that is) But over all it wasn't all too bad.
Well, it's close to 9:30, and I felt like updating and typing. Either I am growing closer to being sane, or I am getting far from it. Usually I nitpick at every waking moment (Mentally of course, I am not a hard ass is reality) but today... actually I was in a horrible mood today. Today we had table church, where the youth had to go and sit with their parents at certain tables to discuss questions and whatnot. Well, this basically made me pretty ticked off. Actually, my head was going to explode, I am sure some people noticed it. Why, you ask? Gosh, I would rather keep that to myself. But really, I know I have some issues, and I need to get them straight. I kept imagining me storming out during the service, my thoughts really do go the extreme. I would give examples but it's not called for. So there yeh go, I actually admitted I have issue, blasphemy, I allways say I have issues. Maybe I just have more then enough to go around? Just maybe indeed. Well, today might be a long post. Sorry my font changes so often, I need slight changes to make this blog more off set.... like me, haha. Ok, so after church, me and my raging emotions sat at the computer listening and occasionally watching music videos. Blar, and everytime Kelly Clarkson's videos showed up and ruined the flow I had to get up and click skip on the video player. I'm nice huh? Eh, usually I listen to.. well.... the occasional christian group, but when I do Amy Grant and... some other chick that I don't really like will show up and ruin my flow. So, basically I listen to... Well, pillar went out of the question after the third group's song because horrible country kept showing up. Ugh, I really know what I like, and music is something I want to keep liking. So I listen to.... oh, I really like this one song by Thrice, it's about how parents in the future will not stand to have their children kidnapped. They go and revolt, taking down the athorities (government) that kidnapped their children. Very good song, I like to listen to it allmost everyday. And then there is this song my trapt... no point really, just a song to let out some built in anger. It's called Stand up, how he wont take anymore of people pushing him around and whatnot. Civilians revolting against the political world and money hogs. Ehh, I like the song anyway.
There is honestly no point to this post, Maybe the next one I will go into my... thoughts.... and conjure up another story. Haha, She-She calls my writing code, can't crack it. Funny, but really, in my thoughts it all makes sense, But everything I write is really what I saw in whatever chaotic moment there was. Like... actually... I like keeping this stuff to myself, a secret that I can get without people knowing what I am talking about. I feel a little selfish my doing so, but it's all apart of my minds plan. Don't ask, I am sure my mind has allready made a plan for whatever I am not saying, that doesn't even make sense to me. Well, I am in my writing mode, so this will be a long post.


Do you see it? Do you see the heart that stopped in the motionless being? There was once life; an alteration of breathing has occurred. Still movement, cold to the touch, time has sustained itself for this moment. This moment in time when everything stops, dead in it’s tracks, space that cannot be filled in, changed. Stand on your mantelpiece; sing me a song that cannot be touched. Sing me a song that cannot be changed. The voice, the sound of smooth air passing through the lifeless figure. Through the organs, thumpthump thumpthump, a continuous pattern through the lifeless being. You, your lifeless self is breathing a new hymn for the ages in a timeless era. Sleep to this voice, that’s all that can be held. First and last, forever in one piece. Thumpthump Thumpthump. Breath, new and old life, revisiting. Eyelids growing heavier and heavier from the grasping sound. Vision is half there, then gone to the spilling of shadow. Fear is not capable of being, for the internal movements halt it from the path. A living, breathing, singing, and holding statue. In one piece, no adjusting, just still life. Just being still is life in itself. Life in Itself.

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